I haven’t posted here for a while, but this is a special day. Three years ago today, I received a test result from a scanner that’s unusually sensitive and rare. There’s only one of those scanners in Minnesota and neighboring states, at the Mayo Clinic.

The results weren’t what we hoped, so I asked my oncologist, “What’s the average life expectancy for guys in my situation?” (Only men have my cancer.)

She paused and replied, “You have every reason to believe you’ll live longer.”

“How long?” I asked with some firmness.

“Three years.”

My thoughts spun with contradictions. Some were, “That’s not possible.” Others were, “But it is.”

She repeated her first comment, with more firmness. “You have every reason to believe you’ll live longer.”

That was 3 years ago, today.

I’m currently unemployed and have been that way since May. My savings are low, and I’m living in an AirBnB since I didn’t want to sign another lease. That would commit to staying somewhere for a year, and I’m not sure where I’ll be then. Overall, my situation has quite a bit of uncertainty.

I have worried about my situation, but strangely, cancer helps me worry less. I still do, of course, but on days like today, worrying seems like such a waste of time. And worse, it can keep us from enjoying the time we have. One of my favorite Shakespeare quotes is, “Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt.”

So I’ve been attempting things—with my job search, with cycling, and with special people in my life. Some of these attempts will not succeed. That’s ok. Success is a poor teacher, so I’ll learn from those attempts, try again, and enjoy the attempts that do succeed, even partially.

Three years ago, I worried and cried a lot about what today would be like. It’s not what I expected in a few ways, but I’m happy with it, even excited. I’m cycling 1,000s of miles more than before, writing more, and working hard to find a fulfilling job. I’m living.