Earlier this morning, I had another medical appointment. Overall, it went very well, but now I have some hard waiting to do. In next few seconds or days, I’ll get a blood test result that determines if I ride my bike across the country or stay in Minnesota for a different treatment, possibly chemo.

As you might guess, that test result is my PSA. Three months ago, the result was very good news. My PSA was <0.1, which means that my cancer was being clobbered. I love the image of it against the ropes in a boxing ring, and we are beating the holy stuff out of it—hard punch after punch. I don’t even like boxing, but have a brutal love for the image of my cancer barely hanging onto the ropes and falling while we beat it further, to <0.1.

My PSA reached that level 3 months ago, after I started a very new drug, called Abiraterone. I’ve read the medical trial of that drug closely, and it showed that about 500 guys had large benefits from Abiraterone compared to 500 guys who did not. One benefit is that most of the guys had a low PSA for 3 years.

Now, I wait to see if I’m one of those guys. If my PSA stays low, I’ll bike across the country and raise money for cancer research. If it doesn’t, I’ll probably stay here and consider other therapies.

I very much respect the details and limits of scientific studies, so I know that my chances are good, even very good. But a scientific person still has emotions, still has doubt, especially when the stakes are high. I want to cycle across the US, intensely. It’s too possible that I won’t be able to again. If I can’t go on that ride, I’ll find something else to do, of course, but it’ll feel like I’m on the ropes, at least for a few days.

Most people with a serious illness have had these moments, when they wait for a test result with less patience than they’ve ever felt. I haven’t had many of those moments because the consequences haven’t been as high. If the result was bad, I would just go back to my doctors and get another treatment. There are still other treatments, but this time, I hope to be away from my doctors for a few months, for my ride.

Of course, more of these moments will happen, and of course, I’ll keep on making ambitious, or slightly crazy, plans. They could be with cycling, writing, or something else. Maybe that’s the real way to win.