Later today, we should find my cancer, after several tries. Last time, it was too tiny to find. The chances are better of finding it this time because we let it grow, by stopping my medication. Cancer is really good at growing, so this feels odd.

My most recent tests show it grew over 8x in 15 days, with a PSA of 0.17 to 1.5. It’s been about 15 more days since those tests, so it could be around 12 today. That’s still not very high, but it’s still the highest its been. I just hope a piece of it doesn’t float off to a different part of my body.

Fortunately, I’ve found a few ways to be less bothered. One is accepting the best option I had, which was to let it grow. That allows us to have a scan we can believe in, target the cancer, and zap it for about 6 weeks. A second way I’ve become less bothered is to find better things to think about, which is not that difficult with cancer.

Me being me, I think about better things with enthusiasm. I’ve already gone on some bike tours and written some stories. I’ve been thinking about doing more, hopefully a lot more. A few friends have cycled around the world. Why not? I already know how, so all I need now is some money and health. Both should come with time, which I have.

The same goes for writing. I love it. I love finding the words to connect my thoughts to yours, hopefully by making you laugh or wonder or see how we’re similar—you, me, most in the world. I hope that doesn’t sound too lofty or too confident. Reviews of my writing mention that stuff, and I politely accept the compliment. But even more, I see compliments as a fun responsibility to do more of it. I finally figured out how to write in ways that connect with people. I need to do more. An odd phrase that seems to fit is that I finally have my ticket to ride, or write.

There are few certainties with this stuff, but that’s how I hope to cure my cancer. I enjoy cycling and writing so much that cancer becomes even more tiny, even at its biggest.